Akari Chan Writings

To Find Myself...

2008-05-06T12:48:00.000-07:00

The present is beautiful... it is Poland. It is my heart, the bone of my bones, the core of my being, my root, my long forgotten identity.
I am glad to be here, I am glad my stay has been extended. I needed this extra time to be able to process the last one and a half years of my life, to search for my lost, happy self.
I hope I found it.. and I will never let it go again.
This trip is special to me, and so I decided to open my eyes and my ears, seek God, and hear His voice. I did hear it, I saw His face, and I was transformed!

This is what I realized this past week:
" If I try to fulfill all my dreams at once, or forget about my dreams at all, I will never get anywhere, my dreams will never come true. I must remember my priorities and do these first. God is in control of my life which is like a puzzle with no pieces missing. So I do not need to worry, I do not need to strive. I must LIVE, LOVE, and ENJOY what I have TODAY! I must be HAPPY! There is no other choice!
I must LIVE MY LIFE IN FULLNESS.
I must know who I am in Him, not just talk about it, but remember my identity when I am lost or when I forget what truly matters in this life. So RELAX and BE YOURSELF!"

LONG AGO...

2008-05-06T12:42:00.000-07:00

I have been away from my writings for a while now. So much happened in my life since the famous Montana camp out... yet I will not share it, no time to waste. I would rather write about the present and the future...

HIGHER AND HIGHER

2007-11-30T09:27:00.000-08:00

Christian Summer Camp 2007, Montana

The Baptism

2007-11-19T11:17:00.000-08:00

Christian Summer Camp 2007, Montana. The baptism took place in a little creek. God was there with us...

On the road to Montana...

2007-11-19T11:04:00.000-08:00

It was the most crazy trip I have ever took... First time in my life I came face to face with a deer crossing the road just in front of our van. I closed my eyes, expecting the windchill to be red... instead it was gray. Hm... it took me a while to calm down my stomach and get used to terrible smell of fresh killed flesh. Then it was all better, and we were all happy that we took that trip.

Christian Summer Camp 2007

2007-11-19T10:44:00.000-08:00

We had morning devotions, preaching and teaching, praying and skill shares. All in Montana, where God is so beautiful.

Friendly Pipsters Club

2007-11-19T10:40:00.000-08:00

Just before hitting the road for Montana. In front of our house in Minneapolis. Summer 2007.

Before and After...

2007-11-19T10:28:00.000-08:00

Before...

...and after.

Braveheart is alive!

2007-11-19T10:22:00.001-08:00

Rainbow Gathering Summer 2007 in Arkansas

Rainbow Gathering Arkansas 2007

2007-11-19T10:02:00.000-08:00

35W BRIDGE

2007-08-17T15:33:00.000-07:00

Some photos I took of the collapsed 35W Bridge in Minneapolis...

How did I find out about the tragedy? Some would think.. well,I live in Minneapolis so I would be the first one to know. Nope. My mom called me from Poland in a middle of the night and told me what happened. At first, I thought she got some cities in U.S.A. mixed up. It was a great shock, for all of us living here. Mine was greater due to the way I learned about this accident.
My roommates were amazed that the news about it reached Europe so quickly.
Personally, I have not met any person who suffered through this tragedy. I just herd some stories, mostly of people who were going to drive through it, got lost and end up on another bridge(that is the story of my roommate Bryce and our friend Shaggy), or people who saw it all happen a few cars in front of them as they were stuck in the traffic.... Crazy!
On the beginning, the city and people were quiet, or talking about it. Now everything seems to be back to normal... Maybe too quickly.

Blessings and Miracles...

2007-05-14T15:25:00.000-07:00

Monk and Rain decided to leave Rainbow Gathering and find a safe place to have their baby Ella. The Lord has been faithful. He would never let anyone down. Monk and Rain took their first step of faith by getting into RV with our team. The Lord blessed that decision. Two months later their baby was born. She is tiny, but healthy! Amazing!

The TEAM

2007-04-08T19:22:00.000-07:00

People God Gave To Us..

2007-04-07T19:28:00.000-07:00

Ania & Me

SHILOH

2007-04-07T18:57:00.000-07:00

Don't Play With Fire...

2007-04-03T19:47:00.000-07:00

...or you may get burnt..

PEOPLE GOD LOVES

2007-04-03T18:29:00.000-07:00

Rainbow Gathering in Florida is attended by homeless youth, train hoppers, travelers, who are not bound to any place, hippies, drug addicts, former prisoners… people who are, both, living this lifestyle because they purposely chose it, or just end up on the streets.

BEAUTY

2007-04-03T18:00:00.000-07:00

I was filled with thankfulness for every moment, for beautiful sunrise and sunset I would watch every day.

The Old Willow...

2006-11-05T17:40:00.000-08:00

In Waiting...

2006-11-01T16:50:00.000-08:00

I have been waiting for an answer to the crucial question we all ask in life... What should I do? I have been asking it for many months. Some days I felt like Don Quixote, fighting with the invisible...
As I look back, I can see how I have grown through this time. Even past few days my perspective on talking to God have changed drastically. I no longer pray for what I want, rather for being in the place where God wants to use me. I am learning the difference between a blacksmith and a tool. You see, I have been striving to be the blacksmith when God wanted me to be the tool...
Amazing how much peace and joy, of the simplicity of life and the goodness of my God, I have today. Nothing else matters. My life is in His hands and I am happy with whatever He wants to do with it...
You may wonder... why? Why, in this age when people boast in their accomplishments and knowledge, I do not care. No matter how hard we try to live a good life and to accomplish great things, we are not able to control this earth and this life. We are not able to determine our future. But there is the One who is able... I learned that it is better to trust Him, then to be on my own. He has never let me down. He changed my life. He gave me freedom and allowed me to discover who I am.
That is why I choose Him, and I choose to trust Him... He is good beyond expectation.

Art by Alicja Trojanowska

The Beauty is Here

2006-11-01T16:44:00.000-08:00

Photo taken on the Graduation Retreat

Textures 2

2006-04-24T19:30:00.000-07:00

The Cow Portrait

2006-04-23T09:37:00.000-07:00

Death. I guess I got accustomed to it in Paraguay. Even daily chores of our Brazilian cook, Kristina, involved killing chickens. I also saw a rotten body of a cow in the Chaco desert. Here it is natural, and no parent need to explain it to his kid.

Textures 1

2006-04-23T09:09:00.001-07:00

Couple of weeks ago I began a project of Paraguayan textures. I am surprised by this discovery. I found it intriguing.

I am waiting...

2006-04-23T08:52:00.000-07:00

... for you, Mpls City, and for hot coffee at Hard Times Cafe.

Searching for Solution

2006-04-14T07:34:00.000-07:00

I have been reading Failing Forward by J.Maxwell, thinking a lot about my attempts to do art.

One of the artists I know, put on his website a retrospective of art projects he has been working on for the past three years. He worked on them in the same time, not one after another. As I thought of that, I saw the difference between his and my attempt. He always searches for new ideas and new solutions for his art projects.

As for me, I have an idea, want to do it, so I get materials for the project... and never use them... I have never begin to search for the solution...
Why? I have been asking myself this question for a long time. Now I know the answer.

I used to have fear of failure in my heart. That fear stopped me from searching, experimenting, making mistakes, learning and eventually becoming better.
I have questions. I have ideas. Today I am finally ready to search for answers; I am ready to look for new solutions...

I am ready to find out who I am. I am free to fail!

After all this time of struggle, I feel an incredible joy bursting out of my heart.
I truly feel free to fly!

This blog is actually a visual proof of the breakthrough I am experiencing... I have been waiting for it for so long!

Waiting

2006-04-12T17:42:00.000-07:00

I am home sick... for Poland and Minneapolis. Yet I choose to still be here and to share with people all that I am.
I hope I changed here. I hope I will leave Paraguay with a renewed view of myself. If so, last 9 months was worth it all.
I am waiting for the time when the purpose of this time will be revealed to me; when I will look at my own reflection in the mirror and understand it all.

Early Morning

2006-04-10T16:44:00.000-07:00

Monday, 8am. Loque, Paraguay. Tired, I sat down on the pavement. I am waiting for the bus on the corner of the street, looking at the passing cars and people.
The town is waking up, getting ready for the new week. People already carry groceries, in large amounts. Mostly rice, corn, flour, manioc, and little white buns called galietitas.

Amazing that even when I try to hide, there is always someone who would notice a blond head. I slowly got used to people watching my every move, with a surprise in their eyes when I do the same things they do. I also got used to being called Brazilian or German. It has not happened in my life yet that someone would just say, Hey you are Polish!....

This early morning I came to Loque to buy paints for my mural project.
Now I am sitting here, thinking that this is a view of life so many people today have in this world. Those, that I met in Sao Paulo, Brazil; homeless, and street people... So many sit on the pavement and look at those passing buy with hope in their eyes; like everyone in this world, they are searching for the Truth.

I am enjoying this morning, discovering that I am free to be ME, that I do not need to impress anyone, that I do not need to prove anything, and that I found the Truth.

In the Light

2006-04-08T15:55:00.000-07:00

Every day I have been searching for the presence of God. I have found Him in the beauty of simple life, in the Light that wakes me up every morning. It is good to open my eyes, walk outside, and see God... He is here. With me.

Jacob Struggles With God

2006-04-04T18:06:00.000-07:00

In Genesis 32:22-32 there is a story of Jacob who wrestled with God. He took hold of God, instead of falling on the face before Him, and asked for the blessing. Jacob made many mistakes in his life before, taking the blessing of his older brother. Now he meets God... And what his impulse is... He wrestles. He does not recognize the person he is fighting with, and asks for His name. How bad can it get?
God is gracious to Jacob, and blesses him. But Jacob also gets a sign of the struggle; his hip has been touched. This is the day when God changes his name into Israel. It means "struggling with God". What a name to have...

My time in Paraguay is coming to an end. Yet every day I feel like I am fighting with something. I am tired of those struggles. I long to come back to anything that used to be familiar to me; to run away.
Yet deep in my heart I will not give up the fight, I will not just let it go, sit down and wait for the day when my plane leaves this land.
I will hold on to the truth I know, every moment I will make a choice to fully be here.

I feel like Jacob. Jacob, despite all the mistakes he had made, persevered. And God answered his pleads, and blessed him. Jacob saw God face to face and lived! What a blessing! What an assurance of the reality that today so many people despise. Reality that we cannot see, yet long to know.
The truth is not seen, yet must be believed in.
The truth for me is that this time in Paraguay made my faith stronger and my heart purer. I believe that I will leave from here a different person that I came over 7 months ago. By faith I accept the truth of my transformation into the person God created me to be. I long to see myself in the new light.

Painting by J.Lewandowski "Struggle of Jacob with God"

Little Pieces of Poland

2006-04-04T17:08:00.000-07:00

Being far away from home, causes my heart to long for what I miss the most.
Here is the art by J.Lewandowski, who's paintings are inspired by views of Polish land. The romantic and melancholic atmosphere is what I love in his art.

BRAZILIANS EVERYWHERE

2006-03-09T13:07:00.000-08:00

THE JUNGLE

2006-01-31T07:32:00.000-08:00

Sao Paulo City, Brazil.

FAVELA

2006-01-31T07:25:00.000-08:00

Sao Paulo, Brazil.

THE LOST HOTEL

2006-01-31T07:17:00.000-08:00

Sao Paulo. Crackland.The living space of the Hungry People...

New Year of 2006, Sao Paulo, BRAZIL

2006-01-30T16:18:00.000-08:00

Hungry People...
On the night of January 6th I met many of them.... When our team arrived on the street, my shock was minimal, but only because I had seen them before. It still made my heart ache.
The slim, tall and short figures were seen throught the whole street, standing closely to the street lights. Prostitues? Women? Men? Anyone would be puzzeled, the bodies were of women, or sort of women. The faces with very thin eyebrows and a weird twist in their features. Neither men. Neither women. But the eyes expressed pain of being lost. Tranvestites. Hungry People.
I have never met any tranvestites before, only drag queens. They are not just guys who like to dress up in ladies clothes. They are people so lost in their identity that they pursue the change of appearance and are ready for very extreme actions, like having silicon breasts and hips. But sexually they remain men. That leaves them looking deforemed, not real, without identity....
That night I was in God s hands. He led me through the conversations, prayers and talks. I was overwhelemed. What could I do? Did they even wanted to consider a change of their lifestyle? Did they even wanted to hear God s name? I could not speak proper Portuguese, just some Spanish... I gave my all to God that night.
And He surprised me. We walked from one guy to the other, asking if there is anything we could pray for. They all gave us their names, some even the real ones. Many asked to pray for their health, which I found unexpected. I guess they did not realy know what changes such prayers could bring into their lives. Amazing that none of them said, No, Thank You, Leave me alone.... Some of them, however were hungry for more.
I had two conversations that openned my eyes. I learned the truth of life of a tranvestite.
One man shared the desire to get off the street, so he could visit his mother. He missed her, and was afraid that she would not want to see him again. He missed home. He looked very tired of the lifestyle he had chosen. For any of them getting off the street it is very difficult. That means changing the way they look, the way they live, speak, behave, and get off drugs. For this guy it ment having the silicon breasts removed. He had already removed one, he still needed to earn money for the next one. Listening to it, I realized their struggles with such a simple decision.... get off the street.
The other guy I talked to in my broken Portuguese, wanted to visit the ministry house that is outside Sao Paulo and offers rehab and support with learning the new lifestyle again, life of a true man. He was scared that he will not be able to perceviere. I was able to encourage him, to share how God transformed my life. First he was sceptical, but then suddenly changed and said that he can see all that I am telling him, in my eyes. He talked with us for one and a half hours!
I felt the Spirit of God and His power upon me that night. God gave me the words of wisdom in the languge that I am not able to speak well, so I could communicate the truth with those people. I saw their hunger to be treated like human, to be noticed, heard, to be worthy of someone´s time... to be loved.

P.S. I wrote thgis not to judge but to speak out the truth.

LONELY ISLAND

2005-11-27T13:33:00.000-08:00

THE PARAGUAY RIVER

2005-10-15T12:02:00.000-07:00

TO LIVE FREELY...

2005-10-03T17:44:00.000-07:00

Are you tired? Are you worned out?
Are you burned out on religion?
Come to me.
Come with me and you will recover your life.
This is the life you are called to.
I show you how to live. Walk with me and work with me and observe how I do it.

Learn the unforced rythm of Grace.
Find the natural flow of the Spirit.
Keep company with me and you will learn to live freely...

The words of Jesus Christ, spoken over 2000 years ago... yet so true to us. He is calling us to have a life beyond our human understanding.
THE MESSAGE. Mt.11:27-30

MY CRY

2005-09-27T17:24:00.000-07:00

Holy Spirit come inside
By your power change my life
And ease the struggling inside

Holy Spirit ease my bind
Show me the way to walk
Coz you know the way that is divine

You saved my sould from sin
From the unfightable battle that I cant win
And now I am resting in you
Its all that I can do
Coz I wanna be more like you

Christ was killed
Christ was burried
Christ is risen from the dead

By NO LONGER MUSIC.

THIS HAS BEEN MY CRY FOR MANY YEARS. THIS IS A POEM, A SONG THAT CARRIES MY PRAYERS AND MY HEARTS DESIRES.

STAGE MAKE-UP BASIC

2005-09-24T16:42:00.000-07:00

There is a small theater group here, performing ususally pantomimas. I am doing their make-up. I cannot just spread the wings of creativity, since the authorities must accept it, so I do little, yet try to be creative with what has been given to me.
(PICS WILL COME LATER)

VIEW TO ENJOY

2005-09-12T09:17:00.000-07:00

EXPERIENCE THE RIDE

2005-09-10T09:05:00.000-07:00

Paraguayan roller-coster is wild and provides enough adrenaline to pass you onto the other side of the danger...

IT ALL BEGAN HERE...

2005-09-09T09:21:00.000-07:00

Me and Ember Canada, my friend from the college; in the beginning of our journey

HERE I AM

2005-09-08T16:18:00.000-07:00

I wrote this note as the opening to my 9 months in Paraguay.

Here I am in Paraguay. No culture shock so far. I am ready for people staring at me. I am ready for dirt and basic living conditions. I am ready for lack of communication with people. I am ready to talk slowly and feel like a baby learning her first words in the language she has never used before. I am ready for the confusion with Spanish and Portuguese. I am ready for being hot all the time, living in temperatures that have never entered my vocabulary before... 40 - 50 degrees Celcius.
Still, Brazil is present in my heart. I am glad there are many Brazilians here. I will be able to learn their culture and fall in love with their language more. Last night I heard some guys talking and singing in Portuguese, and it made me cry, and I thought why I am in Paraguay and not in Brazil. What is the reason for this unexpected change of the plans?

It is good to go back to my notes and read again my first thoughts in Paraguay. It helped me to see how much I learned here. Amazing, because during last months I thought that I have not changed much. Now my perspective is right
again.

BEFORE - Summer and afterSummer of 2005

2005-09-03T15:52:00.000-07:00

From Minneapolis, U.S.A

What is my life really about?... simply living my life in the Will of God. I am getting ready to leave for another faraway country. I will learn more about God and myself there.

Security in times of Change. I always thought that peace in life means steady lifestyle. My perspective on true security has changed drastically .It is not based on life and the world around me anymore, but rather in what God has for me. I have discovered who I really am and I have put away what the world expect of me. I´ve experienced healing of my soul.
Ready for the Change

Ready to go. Where? It was supposed to be the Southern state of Brazil called Rio Grande do Sul.But in stead it will be Paraguay, which is on the Southwest side of Brazil. Not so far from where I wanted to be... uph...
I feel that God will use me there and transform my heart. I know that His plan is good and perfect and this place is in His will for me. For now, I am excited to walk into what God has prepared for me there. I wait patiently on the day when I will go to Brazil.

INTRO

2005-08-31T15:17:00.000-07:00

My first writings will be of the past events of my life in Paraguay. You may be familiar with some of the stories. Yet I hope you will enjoy them again.
My intent with this blog is to, first of all, begin writing in English. My starting point will be Paraguay, a country that have never been on my wish list, yet I have been here already for more than six months.
I would also like to share things that I like to make and things that I like to look at.
So let it all begin here...